living life as ever

oh mondays please dont come

2012-02-05T21:15:00.002+08:00

it was nice weekend, i need a good pat on the back for doing extra

- practiced guitar (improving on d minor, g, and a)

- financial auditing tasks = zero errors, fast and accurate.

- needle haunt - no tears this time

- compiled some picture work

- did some accounting

- explored sg parks.. next week rollercoasters

- date with mom

- finished a large plate of prawn mee :)

just this week i was touched when an old woman touched me in the shoulder. she was standing in front of me in the train and I offered her my seat (though i was not in a reserved seating). she was very pleased and repeated to me the words 'you're so sweet and very kind child, thank you, thank you so much' i think her voice echoed to myself the whole day that it made me smile a lot and less bully.

i think that's what ripple of kindness and words really do.. they do magic :)

Cheers to hot choco and a bumblebee

2012-02-04T10:20:00.002+08:00

It's been awhile since i wrote. This morning is a very unpredictable one, i have to rush early to the clinic again for some tests, and few minutes later with two plaster bandaids in both arms leaving me dizzy and rubbery. I hate needles. Anyways good thing my dont-know-where-to-go senses kicked in, i had experienced a breakfast with a view here at fort canning. Its remarkable to be at a quiet place like this again, completely different than the deafening quietness if my room. These are the places where u can sit in, think and ponder about serious things in life. Moments ago i received good news, accomplishing one of my checklistfuturisic plans. Nowadays i get bitten with reality that i will do things more likely in solo and i should make themost out of it. Even so, im still thankful that God has been there for me and he loves me so much that he didnt give me much burden recently. Im just saying tomyself that this period of solitude is my break from all those hardships that ive endured, day-night-till midnight for the past seven years. Yet i still should prepare for a shakey future ahead, which i hope i will face still with a cheery and bright outlook. I dont know how short life is, i have to treasure each moment i have.

I need some gummy glue

2012-01-02T20:29:00.003+08:00

My mind is falling apart. I need some leverage to my thoughts ir emotions.. Or ill go insane. There are days that i envy other people who are like people magnets, with a lot of people around them to their aid and rescue when they need some comforting. Its something that i dont have ir will never have. Im resolved everyday walking alone telling myself im ok. There are moments that i want to pour my sentiments but no one cares to listen (genuinely). There are days that i want to become veronika or summer or susie, but my instincts for survival and reasoning are still attached. I thought i wont be writing here anymore but it seems that i would still need to talk to myself through this tobe sane.

I hate.myself... I have tobe this self. Im tired of waiting

wont go home without you...

2011-12-18T21:37:00.004+08:00

it is to some extent that life is a bit surprising. one day your thanking everyone, one day you're gone.

i was staring at a friend's facebook homepage and i am rattling this thought in my head.

She's gone. She will never be back.. :(

Here's a page with memories and pictures and posts of her that just a day ago thanking everyone who wished well for her surgery... then a day after that, she passed away, her page filled up with grievances, sad remarks and thoughts of her.. it's too sad to absorb.

in a way i believe she was happy, she did all she can do given she had little strength to push through every single day since she got sick. she never failed to make people smile when she says everything's alright. i really envied her for that..

cause though her life was short, she lived it to the fullest...

sayonara, ate jenette.

teen-aged dream

2011-12-03T00:35:00.002+08:00

i've been singing this time and time again. though i seem to cry on every night this week due to different reasons piling up to a bit of depression and of course sadness.

i was so tired and was in a brink of crying at work and was able to talk to myself that im ok. i just realized that hiding your sadness is very exhausting.

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by
If you Smile through your pain and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through
For you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile- What's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile.

That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile- What's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worth
whileIf you just smile

pomplamoosed

2011-11-05T23:54:00.002+08:00

who say's recording music is that much boring..

here's one duo that does it all in a fun way. Been following them since around 2009, now they even got commercials :) cool

their version of angry birds :)

quirky alone episode I :)

2011-10-04T23:01:00.003+08:00

well being quirky alone has posed some good advantages. here are some happy yappy cheaper things i've discovered lately.

sushi countdown - did you know that sushi gets a good bargain once clock gets ticking at 7pm, 8pm, 9pm? Yes. they are perishable goods so their price goes lower and lower as night passes by. Try standing in front of a grocery store offering sushi items at 8pm. I find it amusing when i see the crew putting new price tags every 15 mins till my sushi becomes $1 only :) (that is from $8 to $1 !)

amazing race challenge - did you know that you can get lesser transpo charge if you walk and exit faster in a train station? yup it works. also there are some in-between stations were bus has no charge at all. In going to hospitals, research the site if there are free shuttles going around the compound. In going themeparks (universa; studio) you may wait for the RWS shuttle infront of vivocity(only around $2) than taking the tram in vivocity level 3 which costs $3.

have a long and winding road moment - getting a very relaxing lazy afternoon would only cost you $5. Yes. That is renting a bike in east coast, with fresh sea breeze and relaxing music plug in your earphones.

get a dip - taco chip dips are wayy expensive. why not create one than buying those artificially bottled dips? main ingredients - tomatoes, cilantro (chinese coriander), onion, lemon, salt, pepper and your chopping skills.

brainfreeze challenges - get a game where you most likely get addicted to. there are sites that offers beta games for free (for testing ex. ghost recon). or download some fun flash games (supermarket mania, picture puzzles, etc.)

get some reading - having a new book and smelling the pages are addicting for me. you dont need to buy one every time. your nearest public library has loads of them and you only need a diligent way of ... of course, returning them :) (btw, they have dvds too)

create your own mtv or videos - this is my part time hobby, i have friends who requests for some music videos (from their fave songs and set of pictures) and i have to create them to be shown on their wedding receptions. Very fun and fulfilling seeing them happy and enjoying your work of art.

that's all for now, need to charge my brain batteries and have more quirky alone episodes
soreja!

LoUdeR - charice

2011-09-27T21:46:00.003+08:00

im alive now..
had a very terrifffffic weekend
so chastic, chaster, charice concert weekend! woohoo! :) :) :)

what's more, i watched this song live like live! and recorded it woohoo!
i wanna watch more of charice concerts. next time really up front.

here's Louder, her first song last Sept 23, F1 concert stage. weepee! (guess who's screaming from background.. hehehehehe)

I'm staring out of my window
And the rain is pouring down
When you left, I was so low
But I'm not gonna drown

I don't need no shoulder
I'm gonna be a soldier
I just wanna feel somethin' I don't understand

I'm just gonna run right through the RaiN
I'm just gonna dance right through the pain
I just wanna feel that rhythm, feel that drum
Let my heart beat louder
Let my heart speak louder than my head (head, head, head)
Heart beat louder than my head (head, head, head)
Heart speak louder
Wanna feel that rhythm, feel that drum
Let my heart beat louder
Let my heart speak louder than my head

hi ho heels

2011-09-22T00:08:00.002+08:00

i have one crazy idea ringing on my mind the whole day
- a shoe where you can remove/detach the heels when you want them to.

just this morning i took the chivalry of wearing this high heels since my sister will be borrowing my flat shoes.

this led me to leg-itis, knee-aching-itis day. just when i was wearning heels, things turned out to exhaust my posture and torture my feet.

i have to walk fast this morning not to be late
i have to climb the mrt stairs just not to be late
i have to walk down the mrt stairs just not to be late in church
i have to stand waiting for a bus for 20 mins just not to be late
i have to wait for a bus to arrive for 15 cruel minutes
i have to stand inside the bus for good 40 mins getting home
i have to stand 15 mins in queue just to get my fries and fried chicken dinner
i have to walk 12 mins just to get home.

those were sadly done with a torturing 2 inch heels that im not used to.

so therefore, i should have a patent for this idea. a heels with detachable heels.

or a longchamp bag with a slipper compartment that i can use anytime im tired of shoes

or something like it.

here are some other crazy ideas brought by watching tons of gilmore girls.

im attracted to chocolate, does it mean i have a date with a chocolate?

why does a 24 hour store have a lock when its in fact should be open the whole time

why should laptops be so big that you cannot put them in to your laps

blue balloons are for boys, pink balloons are for girls, what are the green for? aliens?

bright lights

2011-09-10T00:37:00.002+08:00

i did some pondering while walking by myself home

what does it make not wearing my eyeglasses on my way home, would i stumble? would i get into trouble? would i get hit by a car(obviously im still alive)?

without these spectacles im partially blind, i can only know there are objects around me but they are like dream-like stuff for a hallucinating person. Everything's a blur, not even putting my hands a feet away will make me able to count the fingers shown (this is a serious eye blurriness).

so i did. i removed my eyeglasses and took the adventure (at night). it was indeed like a dream. people around me are like aliens... they are faceless, they seem to be not real. the nicest part is i wouldn't care staring on any of them cause i dont know if they are even looking back at me. the escalator is like a flat ladder bringing me to the street grounds. the street lights are like smudged bright colors in a painting. the car lights mixes with the stop lights and they are like dancing yellow and red dots around me, not even a movie camera can depict this (wow im getting more rhetoric). the trees are like tall green walls without shapes and the buildings are similar to les miserables backdrop (with eponine singing on my own).

Well that's all for my adventures tonight. Good night mr. curiousity.

the paperbag story

2011-09-06T00:02:00.004+08:00

it's a typical monday evening, people rushing to train stations to reach home. Due my sister's summoning i headed to Orchard to visit her in her workplace and eventually go home together.

Then i realized that a typical monday evening actually has two faces...
1) people rushing to home for rest
2) people queuing in a newly opened clothing boutique

and we sadly fell under category #2. I haven't queued outside a store on my 20+ yrs existence just to enter it (that's why i avoided thanksgiving outlet shopping). Should i say it took us roughly 15 mins before we were able to enter the store... which then gave me the idea and feel that this is a famous and rather important store.

The aura inside is like one of the scenes in 'confessions of a shopaholic movie' where people seemed to be like busy ants excited, seeing food cramps everywhere... women not knowing which clothing rack to run into, with their boyfriends strutting behind them holding their selections.

girls not wasting time queuing in fitting rooms by fitting the shirts/dress on top of their clothes to check if they're ok.

overhearing a conversation which seems like a news interview.. (i was peeking up to check if there are cameras anywhere) a female asking about the latest fashion, if the store is up to date and where are the styles being patterned from, inspiration perhaps.. that's when i realized that the female is a customer asking a salesperson who was clearly clueless on what she's asking about and inventing words to satisfy a genius-pretending guest.

the top floor has more expensive shirts, polos, cardigan etc, which seems to be too thin to wear, apparently students were clever enough to pick the cheapest ones from the rack which has bright colours and clothing brand revealed in the shirt

after a few minutes i realized i already have 3 items on my hand, a dress, a sweater and a shirt. Funny though cause i was begging my sister to stop this madness cause for sure she or I will find something more and us ending up to buy a lot..(did i tell i transform to panic-stricken shopper whenever im with her?).

As the salesperson made announcements that the store will be closing, people stirred up much more, running from one clothing rack to other, making their last minute choices. Some have added more to the shopping sacks while others are emptying theirs with 'impulsive' clothes which they seem to be senseless to buy.. they instead picked some cheaper accessories near the cashier inorder to have sense on their visit and take home a branded paperbag of the famous store.. On my part, i ended up having none in my hands... clothes that i have chosen one by one i have dropped to different racks cause i dont feel the need for buying them..

then another anouncement came in.. for people to queue for payment, just then one by one i seemed to be magnet over those that i have chosen earlier, all of those items ending up in my hand then to the counter.. huwaat?

then again i realized im adopting to singaporean society where earning money means buying luxury and

taking home famous clothing store paperbags

huwalastik

2011-09-04T21:45:00.002+08:00

this weekend has been more productive than other weeks of august.. i was able to knock off the coach potato syndrome and get on with other interesting things to do.

cleaned the toilet, scrubbed the tiles
jogging in the afternoon
do some groceries
cooked pork with broccoli
furniture rearrangement
bowling
basketball
boxing
tennis (and hitting our fan)
go-karting
laundry
cooking longsilog
exploring yio chu kang
exploring an ac ac converter
changing some defective lights and checking some ballast
packing up my digital piano
tidying up my room
eating tons of healthy food
washing dishes and cleaning kitchen
laundry part two
cleaning the living room..
sleeping early :)

mission accomplished.

thanks google.

2011-08-27T12:40:00.003+08:00

i just woke up this morning with a puffy eye bag on my left eye. unluckily, there are no open clinics in the afternoon so i have to end up checking the internet for intermediate solution.

googled #1 - i went on searching for swollen eyebag then google gave me periorbital puffiness (in short eyebags). people would think im an idiot checking how to treat eyebag but having a fever to accompany your morning, shouldn't you worry? first sign that gave fits to my dilemma: Mononucleosis - With supra-orbital oedema, the eyes become puffy and swollen. This may occur in the early stages of infection.
infection.. yes i might have infection.. fever = infection.

googled #2 - mononucleosis definition --
Infectious mononucleosis (IM; also known as EBV infectious mononucleosis or glandular fever or Pfeiffer's disease or Filatov's disease[1] and sometimes colloquially as the kissing disease from its oral transmission or simply as mono in North America and as glandular fever in other English-speaking countries) is an infectious, widespread viral disease caused by the Epstein-Barr virus (EBV), one type of herpes virus, to which more than 90% of adults have been exposed.

thanks google.. now you're saying i have a herpes or kissing disease.. something i will not acquire, definitely.

so i went up to first search, periorbital puffiness. then found one of the rootcauses:

googled #3 - nephrotic syndrome
Nephrotic syndrome is a nonspecific disorder in which the kidneys are damaged, causing them to leak large amounts of protein[1] (proteinuria at least 3.5 grams per day per 1.73m2 body surface area)[2] from the blood into the urine.
--that's informative.. going on to further
characteristics are:
Puffiness around the eyes, characteristically in the morning.
Pitting edema over the legs.
Fluid in the pleural cavity causing pleural effusion. More commonly associated with excess fluid is pulmonary edema.
Fluid in the peritoneal cavity causing ascites.
Generalized edema throughout the body known as anasarca.
darn.. what's with all this medical jargons.. i only have the first one that fits me.. or all of them??

then looked for rootcause of nephrotic syndrome

googled#4 - metatastic cancer
Metastasis, or metastatic disease (sometimes abbreviated mets), is the spread of a disease from one organ or part to another non-adjacent organ or part.[1][2] It was previously thought that only malignant tumor cells and infections have the capacity to metastasize
ok.. now i have to stop googling as the next result will be what funeral parlor is the best...

it's just puffy eyes then going to cancer, thanks google for ruining my morning.

funny pickup lines

2011-08-23T22:44:00.002+08:00

some cheesy question and answer for guys and gals.. better if you know the tagalog part :)

>did you invent Crayola
= cause you give 'color' to my life

>can I take your picture?
= cause i want to show santa what i want for christmas

>do you believe in love at first sight?
=or second sight? pwede!

>excuse me, are you a dictionary?
= cause you give meaning to my life

>what's your height?
= cause i wonder how you fit in my heart

>are you a cliff?
= cause im falling for you

>i hope i'm letter T
= so im always next to U

>arent' you getting tired?
= cause you're running in my mind

brief moment

2011-08-20T15:25:00.004+08:00

nobody notices when we leave. I mean, the moment when we really choose to go. At best you might feel, a whisper or the wave of a whisper, undulating down. My name is Salmon, like the fish. First name: Susy. I was 14 years old, when i was murdered on December 6th 1973.

I was here for a moment, then I was gone. I wish you all a long and happy life

- quote from the lovely bones

bewitched

2011-08-16T23:26:00.002+08:00

who would think i'm going through an internal chaos..
can't you see this smiling face has been hiding something?
drawing visible little lines to remind myself
little red dots climbling out from every anguish

warmth drawn out from a cold lonely heart
i've come back to my senses, i felt alive
this has to stop but serenity comes after the feeling of pain.
this is becoming an addiction, i am free.

~o~o~o~o~

numb

2011-08-15T02:11:00.002+08:00

today i have escaped numbness
i bled. i am alive.

i don't want this addiction,
but i have no control over it
i wanna feel alive

nothing to say

2011-08-14T15:30:00.000+08:00

loneliness has found me..
looks like it's here to stay.

rolling in the deep - adele

2011-07-31T22:26:00.003+08:00

song that keeps repeating in my head..

There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch, and it's bringing me out the dark
Finally I can see you crystal clear
Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your ship bare
See how I'll leave with every piece of you
Don't underestimate the things that I will do

Baby, I have no story to be told
But I've heard one of you
And I'm gonna make your head burn
Think of me in the depths of your despair
Making a home down there
As mine sure won't be shared

Throw your soul through every open door
Count your blessings to find what you look for
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold
You pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow

The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling
We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it to the beat
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside of your hand
But you played it with a beating

it's ok not to be ok

2011-07-31T00:42:00.003+08:00

dear whatsoever painkiller,

i thought my emotional control mechanism was working effectively, or i have just grew tired of it.
just last week someone let me read an annoying note about work and i just stared blankly on it. the message got through me, but i think i was just so numb already with all of it. someone told me not to be sad about it and i was just quiet and my head was blank. i made the day at work without whining or crying or affecting my work mood till 7.30.

i thought it was over but it was not...
when i came home tears were rolling in my face, it was a very delayed reaction of everything. i think it pierced through me and i was so upset i did not let them know that i felt so bad about that. that i felt so worthless after reading that note. i might have been consoled about everything but i think i don't need it. i just want to cry, cry till everything felt fine. i would now say that im doing a good job 'consoling myself' and telling myself everything will be fine.

i might need more of it next time.

~signing off, rinka.

big white room - jessie j

2011-07-26T21:53:00.004+08:00

came across the lines below, just what i exactly wanna say today. by the way, why is :( called a smiley eventhough it's not smiling?

sitting in a big white room alone

tilt my head back, feel the tears roll down

cause my eyes can't see in the dark

i feel young, broken, so so scared

I don't wanna be here anymore

wanna be somewhere else

normal and free, like i used to be

but i have to stay in this big white room

with little old me.

everybody's looking at me

everybody's staring at me

what do i do now

smile?....yeah.

breakeven

2011-07-22T22:30:00.003+08:00

i'm still alive but barely breathing
praying to a god that they dont believe in
cause i've got time, while he got freedom
cause when a heart breaks, it don't break even

his best days will be some of my worst
he finally met a girl that's gonna put him first
while i'm wide awake he's no trouble sleeping
cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even

they say bad things happen for a reason
but no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
cause he's moved on but im still grieving
when a heart breaks, it don't break even

What i'm supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
What i'm supposed to say when i'm all choked up and you're ok?

I'm falling to pieces...
I'm falling to pieces

pricee

2011-07-19T23:11:00.002+08:00

one word to describe the day

astigmatism

ouch

ouch

ouch.

can barely look on laptops.. ouch

jar of hearts

2011-07-16T15:01:00.003+08:00

and who do you think you are?

running around leaving scars

collecting your jar of hearts

and tearing love apart

you're gonna catch a cold

from the ice inside your soul

so don't come back for me

don't come back at all...

something good for today

2011-07-07T21:21:00.003+08:00

life is too short, so before i get to the end, i have now an agenda for every week..

make one person very very happy.

this week i got a quota of 3 :)

~my previous coworker after reading a heartwarming email from me

~my coworker who got enthused with the angry birds that i've brought to office

~another friend whom i gave some passtime readings

thanks boss

2011-07-05T00:08:00.003+08:00

while looking through some phone bills in my desk i came across a note which triggered my nostalgia

it's a note from my previous superior which turned me to who i am now...

before i got this note i was always silent about the world i'm in, taking all the stress and just quietly resolving all that i can do until i came into a breakdown (and almost crying).. which my previous superior noticed.

When i got back to my desk I noticed a post it note sticking on my laptop keyboard saying..

You Ok? Hey you're doing great so don't let anyone to tell you otherwise. You're also not supposed to go thru all your challenges alone so you have to talk to me OK? Just hang in there! You're in the spotlight and you will shine even with all this pressure.
Let's talk tom Ok?
:)

His message got through me and our conversation the following day taught me not to take everything on my own, to reach out to my superiors (on about anything that troubles me) cause they are there to help out, not to reprimand.

I guess it's not something you learn in office everyday and it's not a superior you encounter in your career every now and then.

:)

a-ha.

2011-07-03T16:09:00.002+08:00

i just realized something..

im one of the boys again.
its a result of having two good girl friends going back home and a close friend going west.
hayz.. good thing i'm such a nice guy.. oops girl to be with.

knowing

2011-06-25T23:26:00.002+08:00

where's the love it's not enough..
it makes the world goes round and round and round

where's the love just give it up
it makes the world goes round and round and round

doin some soundtrippin, look who i found... the 90s classic

hanson
bwitched
christina aguilera
lene marlin
the corrs
five
bsb
mariah
boys 2 men
s club 7
and moffatts.. nyah.

hihohiho

2011-06-19T03:26:00.002+08:00

im hungry.. and being hungry spells loads of cravings...

i want

ridges cheese with sour dip
lasagna
sushi and sashimi
sinigang and laing
lomi
siopao asado
garett's cheese popcorn

il gelatto bruno's bubblegum ice cream
nutella
choco muffins
hot choco frap
dark chocolate kisses
anything chocolate
chocolate chocolate chocolate..

seeshh.. still i'm starving... :D

before my battery turns off

2011-05-29T01:17:00.003+08:00

just want to say that i hardly got a sleep last week and last last week.

thanks for the long running processes at midnight and early morning i barely got a nice continued sleep. doing overtime added as well..

last thursday night i barely had some sleep thanks to my chivalry to create a wedding video for a friend's friend (which they really liked...). I closed my eyes at 4am and woke up at 7am, causing my coworker to get really shocked to see i'm so quiet and 'scary' when i started the day in the office... mixed with bad temper with the operations guy on the phone.

that day i discovered that sleep deprivation had some benefits.. i barely felt anything!

~my body was so numb the whole day that i can't feel anything if i pinch myself.
~on the train, my mind was floating i did not realize my earphone music was almost 'max volume' (just noticed when the other passengers were already looking at me)
~for the first time i was able to eat all type of chilli-spiced food without breaking a sweat on my face (thanks to the cheery bullying of my coworkers.. that is a solid encouragement).
~i barely felt tiredness walking back to the office
~i shocked my user when i said it's ok to retest those things that we have tested just to make them satisfied... as if when did they became happy?
~i was dizzy and barely felt my head (if still connected to my neck) and hand before dinner. I had to excuse myself to the restroom so i can hit my head on the wall.. nyah.
~lastly i was able to sleep while sitting for the first time due to exhaustion and gluttony (thanks for the supercalifragilisticexpialidocious dinner treat during that time)

then now sleep deprivation continues.. it's two am. time to get to bed!

'

drat drat drat

2011-05-14T22:50:00.003+08:00

that's how i would sound like now, apart from cough cough cough.. i guess drinking a lot of cough syrups makes you think 'high' tonight

today i have made one more discovery.. i am one tough, (bad) lady :P

wednesday (night) -
survived very itchy throat.
self medication: korean pot noodles, mixed vegetables with wasabi.

thursday (day) - (got worse due to previous self medication)
survived running nose and amplified coughing (ehem ehem.. don't i sound sick?)
self medication: bad customer service from subway + cold coke softdrinks

thursday (night)
survived high fever and colds, with little sleep
self medication: water + sitting-while-sleeping + water + conviction-i-will-get-well-attitude

friday (day)
survived dizzyness, stomach flu, high fever, colds, stubborn co-worker.
self medication: conviction-to-finish-work, kind boss, weekend mindset

friday (night)
survived headache caused by long running jobs, addiction to word find, high fever, colds, chills and dizzyness
self medication: paracetamol (which of the above can it cure?) + playing ipad.

lastly saturday (day)
survived coughs, fever, colds, little nephew running around like biserk, hot weather
self medication: excessive thrill rides today in order : 1 kiddie roller coaster, 1 the mummy indoor roller coaster, 2x (hard) human roller coaster, 3x (extreme) cyclon roller coaster (which just relieved my running nose due to excessive shouting)

Saturday (night)
NO MORE SICKNESS.. :D

yeah. am still alive and writing.. can't believe i'm that freaking tough!

the empty pringles

2011-05-14T22:41:00.004+08:00

maybe if there's a contest of "i'm so sad cause my pringles can is empty" i would win that.. automatically after emptying my cheese pringles, tears were rolling down my face..

not because of hunger.. but things that would likely happen if i had this pringles back home..

my bully brother who would most likely grab the 'pringles can' even if i told him it's already empty.

my mom who would snap at me to throw the empty snacks to the trash instead of leaving them in the table.

my co workers who would drop by my office cube and one by one circle my place jokingly as if they have a question but would just pause to get some cheese snacks on my table.

my friends who would say that i'm still not getting fat though i have a big stash of cheese chips on my side.. i should eat more...

my little dog who would bark on anything that sounds like food, especially this can of pringles.

well.. on the lighter side it makes me come up of a real deal.

I miss home... :)

all erased

2011-05-08T22:45:00.003+08:00

i was so upset today.. my 500 gig hard disk crashed.. along all my US pics and animes *sob..
nevertheless, i started to push my thoughts on the other side, what have i accomplished/had so far in 2010..

10. saved some money and alloted some for my dream car and vacation (which will just be a dream now)

9. stayed healthy

8. rollercoaster ride with friendships, acquiantances and hopeful searching for mr right/wrong

7. got my mom have her cataract operation

6. k-drama, j-drama marathon weekend

5. got my peoplesoft expert certification :)

4. first smiley from my notoriously demanding client

3. graduated from supporting my bro's study.. yeah he finished schooling :)

2. left my insanely tedious job which i undoubtedly loved and took risks of leaving it all

1. got more closer to God :)

almost over weekend

2011-05-02T14:38:00.005+08:00

after having a 7hour chat with a friend (till 4am), i felt like floating waking up 9am. My sister asked me to go around with them for the day, which i was glad i did.

We are almost at the middle of red line and havent decided where to go. Finally stopping at cityhall made us thought of going to the park, east coast park :)

From afar the scenery is like the typical 'manila bay' with loads of people and overlooking the sea. But getting near the shore is completely different. It was serene, no icecream vendors,no scattered trashes,no noisy teen chatters... just people having their own admiration of the place.

After a few minutes looking around, my sister convinced me to try biking , on which i was reluctant at first.. Maybe because when I last rode a bike at piedmont park, i was completely out of control and almost hit a tree. Then after pondering what can a 5-dollar rental would cost me (bruises maybe? hehe), i rented an old bike.

Of course starting to pedal makes you think of weird things such as falling down or heading the other lane, then just concentrating on the music in my ear was..

just like riding a breeze (hanamizuki-playing in the background). it was so relaxing that the seawind was touching your face while you enjoy the scenery. I rested after 10 minutes and laid my back on a tree, it was just peaceful closing your eyes... so remarkable.

I biked and rode towards east and realized that the lane seemed to be endless (after finishing all bruno mars song in my ipod) so I decided to head back to where my sister and her family are playing in the seashore. The lane going west was such a comfort that you wouldn't need to pedal much because it was almost downhill.

sigh* i hope to be able to go back there, maybe i'll try it when the weather becomes cooler and I have a camera to take good pics! :)

in this song - charice

2011-04-30T23:00:00.005+08:00

I may not know where I’m going now
This broken road is trying to tear me down
but deep inside i’ve found
a secret place, that I never knew
where I feel safe, when the world is untrue
here’s what I’ve learned to do

I don't depend on friends
cause they come and go
my belief in myself
is gonna carry me through
and that's why i'm learning, I'm learning now, I'm learning to sing...

I may not have all the words that i need to say and
I know I wont always be strong but I'm never afraid
because I hold my destiny
and it depends on me alone... alone so,

Just sing this song and it takes my right back
where I belong
and everyday there's a new bridge to cross
but I'm never far from home
If Iput my heart, my soul, my all

in this song..

no.. i'm not an official chaster hehe. but i definitely love Charice, she gives me goosebumps everytime i watch her sing.

hale to asian talent and most talented girl on earth > Charice

wee morning

2011-04-30T04:24:00.003+08:00

i watched a movie last night and the guy shared 3 unique things he suddenly have..

just realized that i've got the same..
1) a friend who eats the same pringles sour cream same time with mine (except the logo is in nihongo)
2) my hunch of being terminally ill cause i lost tons of hair a day
3) learning to play utsugushiki yuugure in piano is a dream.

maybe i'll have a different set of thoughts of being unique tomorrow.. who knows.
~rinka

whatta

2011-04-28T22:58:00.001+08:00

im like a broken record
that you can play
repeating as if it matters
everything i want to say

i'll be alright.. as long as it matters
as long as you're here with me now..

my new fave

2011-03-31T00:14:00.001+08:00

i thought bruno mars was a fictional character, i guess not hehehe. here you go with my fave song of his :)

try to listen also to - just the way you are, count on me, marry me and nothin on you.

just for march

2011-03-27T23:57:00.003+08:00

just a preview of this marching march - experienced to sleep outside the emergency room - rode stupendous rollercoaster ride 3x - a very embarassing moment in the clinic (crying and howling due to pain.. ) - new hot pink laptop :) - new digital piano for my utsugusomething hehehe. - friend coming in for vacation (havent seen for 3 years) - saddened by tremors and earthquake everywhere - confused, threatened... forecast for april - busy work week/nights - tough supreme being at work - bleaching inside and out, just to kill my inovertness (is that a word) - more fit - lesser cuts and band aids due to clumsiness - stop ambidexterity - stop hopefulness on bright things in life, on the second thought, consider me as your big loss :D - more friends - more places to photograph/sketch lastly, more to life.

a grief-stricken day

2011-02-27T10:05:00.002+08:00

I randomly picked an episode to watch CSI last night in my laptop and it was Warrick's last episode. That's when Warrick died in Dr. Grissoms arms. I was detatched from the series, thinking how come their sorrow was looming for the death of a colleague whom they just know for a few years of their lives...

then this morning struck me with news, my aunt died.
probably it would be the same reaction with someone who will read this blog, how can someone feel so much sorrow for the death of an aunt which is not your immediate relative?

i was crying this whole morning, and probably the rest of the day as well and surprised to be too much affected by the news. why? it is those memories with her which hit me. those childhood days with her.

i remembered the day when i was 4 and i would cry so hard so my mom will take me with her when she sends my sister to school. My aunt will sober me and take me to bakeries so i can feast my eyes with delight and she will buy me bread with colorful icing.. it's not the bread which saved me but her care and presence that i'm not alone if my mom's not there..

i remembered those days when i'm angry with my mom and i will go to her place. She will pacify me and explain things so clearly, she will touch and massage my hair until i fall to sleep.

i remembered last year when i was so stressed with work, if i pass their house she will greet me say everything will be alright.
when i stay in their house for a briefly with a chat and no matter how i refuse she will still offer me a drink or a pastry, eating it delightly while i share some pessimistic world on my work and stress.

but i did not remember seeing her again for the past months.. i did not remember giving back a special gift to her for the holidays (except for those that my mom shops before she goes back to the philippines)

i will miss her. we will surely miss her. now i want to hug my mom and tell her how much i love her.

hapi harts dey

2011-02-14T22:16:00.002+08:00

yet another exciting hearts day for me.

had a wonderful meal
watched a very nice show
listened to great band

yet all in front of my desk (eat, watch, listen). well lay-loh this is the curse of being single (for now)

this is rinka chic, signing off! :)

just a little 10-minute douche baggery

2011-01-19T22:50:00.003+08:00

this might have been the longest stupendous week that i had. it's a bit dreadful im busy and sick (literally) at the same time.

my head is aching, my nose like a water faucet, my back is aching, the world around me swirling, i tapped my credit card on the train station entrance(hehe) , i would like to choke someone to whatever, i press 1 instead of 11 in the elevator, until now im still thinking of my unfinished laundry, i almost got hit by a car(good thing i was pulled by my sister)

seesshh .. i'm just all over the place.

maybe im not really doing well on this side of choice i have.. or should i back out? quit.. hayy.. faito faito. aja aja.. takure takure :P

times up!

reality BITES.

voyage a la mad

2011-01-11T00:27:00.003+08:00

it had been a perfect timing. this weekend i have stepped out of my room and did something instead of wallowing.

on saturday i pulled myself up early to ran an errand to the bank and ended up walking, having fun (and did i say getting lost hehehe) in a nature park with a friend. the funny thing is that we thought we are on the right park, wondering why it is small only to figure out that we are in the wrong park.. wehehehe. well at least contemplating alone isn't a good medicine for my sanity and i'm quite thankful that someone helped me to stay away from my headaches for a while.

sunday had been action-packed given that i have to run and race with time just to be on certain places. it seems that destiny conspired that i will be tired on that day that i wasn't able to get a cab to my destination. just a minute late and i have to look for another church for that day. i got soaked while waiting on the bus stop and had to start racing again to catch a circus act (which i would say marvelous).

another event is a bit awkward though that a circus performer sat beside me on an empty seat and said 'hey are you watching our show alone? let me accompany you for a while' with his forehead wrinkled and big smiling face... just then i have wanted to smack him on the face as if it was a huge joke, having me on the theater spotlight. good thing i was well mannered and dressed conservatively to do that hehehe. well kidding aside, yeah it's a huge joke. a girl watching alone an expensive circus act which is ought to be enjoyed with family or friends.

my evening was rescued by the serenity of the view at the marina bay and less crowded spots where i sat quietly with a book (did i say i haven't still finished reading it after two years?) , bag of dark chocolates wehehehe and oishi dinner at ramenplay where i was joined by my big sister. :)

so much for being lugubrious, melancholic chapters should be nah-nuh. ta ta for now :)

you may follow this link for voyagedelavie show :)
http://www.rwsentosa.com/EntertainmentNightlife/VoyagedelaVie

miss lea

2011-01-02T17:08:00.003+08:00

ladies and gentlemen,

presenting the sad story of eponine,

our country's pride... Ms Lea Salonga singing "On my Own" (les miserables 10th anniversary)

A Whole New World recording session with Brad Kane

Michelle Kwan skating with Lea Salonga's version of Reflection from Disney Mulan

other trivias on Lea Salonga
- played kim in 10th most long running broadway show - miss saigon
- sang princess jasmin's part of A whole new world for Disney's Aladdin and Mulan's Reflection
- eponine in Les Miserables
- and last but not the least, did voice over on my fave movie - my neighbor totoro.

whatta challenge

2010-12-30T21:53:00.002+08:00

i thought that people in reality shows are fake, they take things easy and do not show their real emotions.. imagine being in a survivor show and play the game till the end. Would they go homesick? Miss their family? Behave carelessly....

I think I know the answer now. I felt like in my own reality show and people around me anticipating when i will make a mistake, go beserk or not go with their expected terms.

I feel like being conserved but i need to talk, maybe same with wanting to be alone but need to befriend.
the need to follow and act nice eventhough i hate things
the need to smile eventhough shadowed with grief
the need to show strength eventhough nearing a breakdown.
the need to accept all these realities but want them not to have happened at all..

sana may time machine ako.. switch back to nov 1..
hay, ang drama ko na :) makapag aral na nga lang uli!

The Climb

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going
And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

something for today

2010-12-29T22:59:00.002+08:00

I am green today
I chirp with joy like a cricket song.
I am gray today
Gloomy and down like a morning fog.
I am orange today
Loud and messy like finger paint on the wall.

I am red today
Hopping mad like a playground ball.
I am black today
Strong and tall a great big bear.
I am purple today
Bright and happy like a butterfly in the air.

I am yellow today
I shine my light out like the sun.
I am white today
Soft and quite like new snow.
I am blue today
Calm as glass and cool like the sea.

strawberry swing!

2010-12-29T22:48:00.002+08:00

Cold, cold water
Bring me down
Now my feet won't touch the ground
Cold, cold water
What ya say?
It's such a perfect day..

Could be blue,
Could be grey,
Without you im just miles away

Could be blue,
I don't mind
Without you
it's a waste of time..

hello sing a pore

2010-12-24T00:17:00.003+08:00

being tourist makes you notice about the scenery, but working here in singapore makes me notice a Lot of things. a LOT... people, places, lifestyle, food and other surprising ordinary stuff.

1) halleluiah to the working girls in HigH Heels - yes.. amen! I mean, how on earth can these girls walk, ride and stand in MRT for 30 mins or so.. on high, 3 inch heeled shoes? I don't know how..... but i've once tried it on 1.5 inch heel shoe and cursed the day i wore my high shoes. maybe i just need some practice. hmm.

2) go auntie - wow, though they are not young anymore. yes, they are aged people, they can still work and earn money.. and move very very fast! You will notice them on food courts, side stores.. that's why shame on those lazy youths who just spend their whole time in iphones.

3) iphones - when i was in the US, iphones are perks, people are not much into it. But here.. everyone owns an iphone. Yes. i even thought that maybe a month ago the sky opened and there was a rain of iphones and i just missed it?

4) party glamour - i always feel like im surrounded with party people when walking on busy streets or in train. everyone's dressed up and i feel like i look like going to supermarket on my attire. haha!

5) can you please repeat :) - i talk fast.. really really fast with a twang i got from working with westeners.. and surprisingly while staying here for roughly 3 weeks, i'm learning the accent and sound like someone from here.. talking slow, chosing simple words and getting the native tone.. ok lah? can can?

6) early jogging - this is my routine if i will nearly miss a train or cross the street or catching a bus which just passed me and stopping on the bus stop. Yeah i'm learning again to run.. it's been long since i do marathon and this one brings me back to speed (except on business clothes this time)

7) convert, convert - living on a foreign country based from my previous experience makes you compute and convert currencies.. ugly though but in the end you lose. You just really need to buy and meaning expensive food, transportation, things etc. So the basic thought, don't convert!

8) friendly smiles - i thought that people here are snob, reserved, impatient etc... but i think it changed when i had friends around here who are really funny, gentle, nice and treats me partly like a princess.. nyah.. hehehe.

hooray

2010-12-20T22:27:00.002+08:00

hooray hooray..

i got a big totoro!!!
which was on sale...
i got a small one .. then big one.. then a hugggeee totoro stuffed toy

and it came with a sling bag.

sigh* debit cards really can make your life nicer :D

naturally

2010-12-12T22:11:00.002+08:00

some fave lines from ally mcbeal

to think that only yesterday
i was cheeful, bright and gay
looking forward to, who wouldn't do
the role i was to play

but as if to knock me down..
reality came around..
and without so much
as a mere touch
cut me into little pieces

leaving me to doubt
talk about men and mercy
for if it really does exist
why does it desert me?

in my hour of need
im truly and indeed
alone again, naturally

It seems to me that there are more hearts
Broken in the world that can't be mended
Left unattended
What do we do, what do we do?

in my hour of need
im truly and indeed
alone again, naturally

gotta live like we're dying

2010-12-10T23:09:00.005+08:00

hello sg,

Here's how i have anticipated to greet this blog for today. Tactless, different, non-melancholic.. but alive. It's been weeks since i've kept my thoughts, my anticipations, my excitement, my griefs, my memories, my regrets, my plans, my hopes and sacrifices.. which i have been thinking i have been fighting with for the past few weeks since my last entry.

Yes, im not onshore any more.. but more of on different land (yes singapore) which i have not imagined myself before :)
Now i've been thinking.. i've been so careless about so many things in my life. I have to let go of so many good 'could be' , friendship, grounds, home, life.. my other self

my 'other self' - who wants to be just home, not risking anything, happy and contented with her life ..with her anime shows, wasabe chips, rockbands, daydreams, lunches in cube with friends, status reporting, sleeping after watching a cooking shows..

and listening to 'me' who went risking a simple life with tons of uncertainty, with unknowns, without seeing close friends, with unpredictable days at work, with pretentions, with smiling face to hide bits of weaknesses and sadness.

I have let go of 'ever', and i hope i can deal with it in the next few days, or weeks or months to come.. i know i can.. :)

You never know a good thing until it's gone
You never see a crash until it's head on
All these people right when we're dead wrong
You never know a good thing till it's gone

Looking at the hand of the time we've been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start thinkin' it
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying
We only got 86400 seconds in a day
To turn it all around and throw it all away
We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we're dying..

like we're dying..
gotta live like we're dying.. :)

to thy cherished ones...

2010-11-13T01:50:00.003+08:00

i have started to broadcast my farewells here and there.. then before leaving office i pinged a friend.. he was not surprised at all that i was leaving as he has been my close friend. i was glad that he said some great wishes for me. however as i pinged another friend, i was in awe when she did not replied.. i just told her that i wasn't joking.

me: i think she's not replying now

y: i think she was shocked. she stood up, left her laptop, then went to the bathroom

me: oh

y: i think she went to the room, crying

me: i shouldn't have. it's a bit bad timing

then minutes later she got back and pinged me that she was sad.. aww. i felt so sad and teary-eyed as well, tears of joy and friendship.. goosebumps on my head and neck.

seesh it's really hard to say farewells.. anyway. soreja ne.

awww..

2010-11-13T01:07:00.003+08:00

those were bright yellow lights that i was staring at for 2 hours or so. just this afternoon i can feel the muscle from my cheeks screaming with pain. I had my mouth open for 2 hours, the dentist injected something on my gums and after following her hand movement with my right eye i saw this 2 inch needle protruding from the injection.

waah.. what's that? after that there's screw thing being scratched on my gums, then there's a warm feeling of blood inside my cheeks.. then a small-knife like metal inside my mouth..

aww. until now it hurts badly. promise!

this is the bad karma of an abandoned tooth from a rootcanal session i had a year ago overseas

it's really odd for me to be on a dentist's chair given that i have phobia with injections and cutters and small knives.. eek. buth within this year i have more than 10 visits to the dentist and surprisingly are voluntary. I have around 3 tooth extractions, 2 checkups, 2 tooth fillings, 2 rootcanal and so on.

I think getting older makes you face your fears or nightmares more bravely or should i say logically?

good thoughts to get going

2010-11-01T01:47:00.002+08:00

it's a bit depressing day, week, month. i'm stuck into getting a decision and hoping of not ending up on a huge blunder. i have stopped myself and absentmindedly googled how to get motivated.. it's very interesting, a light topic to talk to with myself and ended up with a guy listing likeable things to get going with life.

here's some of my thoughts and wants to do, well sort of my favorite things

1) dark chocolate
2) owning an adorable shih tzu puppy and walking it around
3) endless game edition of plants vs zombies.. if that exists
4) sittin on a grass with 20deg celcius sunny day
5) cooking spaghetti
6) talkin dumdums with my nephew
7) biking
8) hiking and feeling lost hehe
9) road trip and getting lost (don't let hold the map.. it's very likely)
10) slumping on the carpet of a bookstore with a nice book to read
11) checking old books on a booksale store
12) playing rockband at home (tried that several times on a bestbuy store)
13) playing piano ( i wish i'm anywhere good)
14) singing or pretending to be singing
15) go to osaka, nagoya, tokyo.. sigh***
16) shopping spree with my sister (just being a good critic of her.. im not that much of a spender)
17) eating korean hotpot while sitting on a cold bench
18) warm sweater and chic trenchcoat in a snowy day
19) attending weddings
20) marathon of my fave k-drama, j-drama tv series while munching ruffles and dips!
21) discovering old collectibles from my piles of things in my room
22) discovering my old letters/books/drawings
23) reading secret garden/paolo coehlo book on a rainy day.. sitting lazily near the window.
24) having a chat with my mom
25) work updates with my bro on our way home and giving advices (as if a pro)
26) nice old rocking chair / swing
27) hot chocolate and donuts.. scent of rosemary/basil on my pasta
28) listening to my ipod while on the bus...
29) taking pictures/sketches
30) writing blogs like this to takeoff my stress (hmmm looks like to worked :-P)

just when i thought..

2010-08-18T23:30:00.003+08:00

well.. just when i thought that August is a no-blog-writing month due to my busyness and sickness..awwww..
hmm it's not.
just for now i'm studying 3-days straight for a certification(not for interview questions hehehe). just when i was planning all along to really study for this, seems that fate is pushing and helping me in to this direction.
gulo ba?
in short, im trying to hit two birds at the same time, trying to have complete mastery of my craft to be 'mabenta'
i hope i pass... wish me luck!
(so i can have a happy hanayori dango marathon weekend :) :) )

sigh** i hope it's saturday already.

there and then

2010-06-26T02:47:00.003+08:00

Something has changed within me

Something is not the same

I'm through with playing by the rules

Of someone else's game

Too late for second-guessing

Too late to go back to sleep

It's time to trust my instincts

Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try

Defying gravity

I think I'll try

Defying gravity

Kiss me goodbye

I am defying gravity

And you wont bring me down!

~smile~

2010-06-14T02:12:00.005+08:00

I was doing wikipedia last night and i came across this intriguing series titled - smile

this is not your usual dental show hehe. but a japanese drama starring jun matsumoto - the lead character in f4 like series hanayori dango.

His role will not comprise of riding flashy cars and cute guy friends around him but a serious one.

It's an inspirational story about a half japanese/filipino who works night and day just to get his dream of owning a restaurant for all races. He had many obstacles in life, let's say most of them really on the downside. He got accused falsely of a crime and inevitably discriminated by people around him. But rather hanging on the edge, he awaits each day with a smile.

Here's a scene of him walking to his death sentence.. i suggest you watch the drama to know the rest :)

http://www.dramacrazy.net/japanese-drama/smile-episode-11/4210

i lived in

2010-06-13T17:41:00.002+08:00

i lived in the time

- when everyone gets vios for a taxi, city's are all red and innova's are sprouting everywhere
- when summer peaks up to 37deg, night and day
- when obama kicked out the pinay chef
- when people are kpop addicts, they don't even understand a single word in the lyric
- when jejemons should be brought back in dark ages and burned down on city squares
- when shrek is loved by adults but freaks out little kids (what's with the ogreness.. can't they draw a better cartoon?)
- when old folks dont understand where asylum lady gaga is from, and youngsters worship her. (gaga in our language means stupid)
- when serial killers are tv stars (don't raise your eyebrow dex)
- when james bond get's older and less attractive
- when sweet and jeff pangan is just one person hehe
- when reality tv shows are scripted and have celebrities just getting themselves punked and pregnant.
- when phil president is not married
- when opm singers fancies revival only.. bamboo, eli where art thou?
- when one year olds can unlock and take pictures in iphone
- when your 100 bucks can take you out of country

a b c d e sg

2010-06-02T22:52:00.002+08:00

all,

in less than 48 hrs., i'll be boarding a plane to singapore. just when i thought that my January trip was my last of it, it's hard to convince im going back there
on a short notice and for short time.
i hope that i convince you as well that it's just a weekend-family-emergency-matter trip. (yeah yeah.. im going to universal studios as well)

im sure that tomorrow in office is a tough day and i have several leftovers/headaches to pass on.

don't worry. i'll be on my heels, slacks and cardigan on my way to airport... meaning i'll be leaving from office after a bit of overtime.

ps. im still working tonight im sure that i wont have much sleep as well... lots of packing to do!

-sincerely,
rinka

lena won!!!

2010-05-30T18:21:00.005+08:00

lena meyer won!!!!

just from last night's show results, Lena Meyer Landrut's song Satellite representing Germany won in Eurovision 2010 song contest! :)

wippeee!

http://www.eurovision.tv/page/news?id=18063&_t=GERMANY+WINS%2C+SEE+FULL+RESULTS%21

i knew this entry is a winner!

finals night performance 5/29

Eurovision 2010 winner announcement and winner's performance:

lena "i think im not strong enough to carry this the whole time".. lol

can't go a minute without your love!!

2010-05-26T23:07:00.002+08:00

i love lena meyer landrut!! i hope she wins the eurovision contest.

how i got to know her? check out itunes download top hit > satellite :)
check out her other performances - mouthwash, mr curiosity and my same.

ang cute nya talaga hehehe.

love my aim is straight and true..
cupid's arrow just for your!

where you go i'll follow
you got me a force more powerful than gravity
it's physics, there's no escape!!

love oh love i gotta tell you how i feel about you
cause i, oh i, can't go a minute without your love
like a satellite i've been orbitting my way around you!
and i would fall out into the night..

can't go a minute without your love.

the art of being busy

2010-05-26T00:19:00.002+08:00

i'd say i haven't stepped up to a really big role. crossing out my own to do list is hard, running 5 people is tedious, getting another 3 sets of team is 'busy'

just this afternoon i got a ping from supreme being that i sent out a notification late, very minor thing to do that i missed out, i have a colleague who waited an hour on me cause an emergency meeting stepped in, my nicey newbie went late just to get my reviews in. seesh.. what should i do not to show im busy

i guess everytime that word runs my head i twirl and threw into a swivet.. expect to do a lot of things at the same time. my express sub is very good on everything i delegate however my list doesnt still shorten up.

maybe i expect too much?

or maybe i should not show im busy..
but just smile.. relax.. and take a nicccce long leave --> hehe. then im dead cause they'll kill me. peace!

sana weekend na! jinx jinx go away.

simple and nimble

2010-05-14T21:34:00.003+08:00

as the art describes here.. everything around me now is colorful, but still - i am black. i have so many plans and i can't get them moving!

animelandia - the very very long anticipated travel to kenshin-land. nyahahaha. yes.. japan that is. i just got a chat with a friend who lives there and we have some plans and dates but how.. how on earth when i have tons of work during that time. i cannot move it for two reasons - he'll be leaving that place sometime soon (i wont have tourguide by then) and my passport will be void a couple of months from now. sigh*. my mom is very supportive about this since she knew how i longed for this trip.

broom - i'm planning to get a hatchback soon but with this travel and driving lessons... that's farfetched. im already anxious about changing tires in case i would need to.

coach-ee - my back is aching everytime i work from home, i have wanted to change our furnitures before, and when we went to a furniture store a week ago, i fell in love with this L shaped sofa which can be converted to sofa bed (remarkable isn't it). well it's multipurpose cuteness has a price.. i huge price along with that.. then i saw this cute tv/wii rack.. awesome.. hmm.. now i might need to make tiis .. wehehe.

hmmm... lastly, i don't think i can afford them all at the same time. as much as i want to. :D but at least one of them to be accomplished this months. this might look like i'm pressing the gloomiest possible things to befall on me (inshort pessimistic) but hmm.. wouldn't it be better to expect none than a lot?

just blamestorming with myself.

my alternative to kleenex

2010-04-30T23:50:00.005+08:00

i've never thought that my hands could be that absorbent. After they managed to dry my soaked eyes and almost runny nose... with my bare hands.

it was thursday and everyone was called to stand up for a prayer. I have closed my eyes as i was struggling to keep myself from crying... but i can't stop. im not sure why, and that's the hardest part. but then i was in a place where i felt like everyone around me were sad for me. my sobs were drowned in their prayers. no one sees me, it's safe to be me.

during those 2 pitiful minutes i felt sad for myself.
maybe because i barely had a 3 hour sleep these days.
maybe because i had two nasty toothaches for the week ( didn't i mention two??).
maybe because a while ago, i've been humiliated in front of everyone back there (hey. didn't we said?)
or maybe im just tired.

it was thursday and everyone said amen. at the end of those 2 minutes i managed to dry my tears and runny nose with my bare hands... i felt relieved

might be because a while ago when i needed a ride a stranger helped me.
and because when it was raining so hard another stranger shared his umbrella
and because when i was distraught a lady smiled at me and said you'll be ok.
and when i thought i'll never be in this place, i still made it.

then i looked at my hands.. haven't i said they were absorbent?

i won't forget to bring kleenex next time. :)

all time fave - kenshin himura

2010-04-25T17:14:00.005+08:00

This is the very reason why i rush home everynight and i look forward to weekends :)

SAMURAI X!!!

Well it's one of my wishlists since high school to have a complete collection of the series and thanks to speedy comcast downloads and torrent, i have a wish come true. It's the first anime ever that i've watched and liked, fave as well.

Here are some trivia about Samurai X.

- included in top 30 favorite animes of all time

- kenshin himura's character was dubbed by a female - Mayo Suzukaze

- he often uses this funny expression 'oro?' equal to huh?

- the x mark from his face was explained in the ova (movie version) trust and betrayal.

- rurouni kenshin - rurouni means wanderer. He was known to be called battousai the manslayer but was reformed to a new life by not killing anyone. He preferred to be called Kenshin Himura instead.

- real name is Shinta (心太) . The name kenshin was given to him by his master/swordsmanship tutor Seijuro Hiko

- was married to Tomoe Yukishiro and was killed accidentallly by him. She gave him the opposite scar on his face forming it as X which is her form of forgiveness.

- Assassin predecessor of Shishio Makoto, who became one of his toughest opponents.

- master of the following swordsmanship skills - Hiten mitsurugi , where he flies on top of his opponent and uses the sun behind him to make his opponent blinded of his attack from above. Battojutsu - stance where he draws his sword in god-like speed; Amakakeru Ryu no Hirameki - simultaneous hits to the opponent using just one powerful attack.

- he owns a reverse edged sword which is designed not to kill his opponents but tear their strenght down. it has a twin (yes it does :)) it was discovered after his first sword broke with their fight with soujiro seta.

- died from sickness in kaori's arms. Also, he was smiling on that last moment. As Kaori describes, its the truest smile she has seen from kenshin as she often think of him as a lonely individual.

il terible

2010-04-18T22:59:00.003+08:00

6/28 -

dear mr curio sity

im in deep **** i hate what's happening now
i really really hate it here
why is everything rounding up so bad
how come though your efforts are there you're still in deep ****?
i need a medal for being stupid and martyr
i think i need to gobble up darna stones and fly somewhere for good

this is not a great place to stay... it's suffocating
my numbness bubble is diminishing
i'll burst sometime.
help.

Thanks,
Rinka

the girl who can leapt through time

2010-04-18T22:35:00.002+08:00

the girl who leapt through time

it has been a year (maybe) since i last saw this movie and here, just watched it again, which is worth it. i agree it can be compared to a studio ghibli film. it's really worth it :)

this is a story about a highschool girl (makoto) who got accidentally infused with a time machine, not a machine but a nut-like device that makes her go back in time by leaping - literally leaping. several incidents by time leaping caused mishaps in her school, home and friendship with her close friends kousuke and chiaki. being free to use it several times made her thought that she can easily take control of certain events and emotions, which for her are trivial things. Until on the most important event that she needed it, it was all gone.

Well it's up to you what happened in the end, i had to check on the logic and yeah, there's a twist in the end of the story. Very good ending :)

Here are some of the lines from the movie ost.

im going to burn into my heart the memories of days i spent with you

so i never have to remember them

even if someday i fall in love with someone else

you will always be special and precious

and this season will come again..

a little heartstorming

2010-04-15T23:36:00.003+08:00

i'm wondering if you agree on this..

there are times that
kind acts of friendship might translate to growing admiration
growing admiration to -> petty love
petty love to -> superficial hopes
then superficial hopes to -> tragic ending.. meaning complicated, unexplained, impossible relationship.

translated in movies..
a guy befriends girl,
girl falls for the guy,
guy knows girls has feeling for him but keeps it,
girl hoping for a small chance of love,
but guy is already in a relationship.

how should the ending go? is it,
a. girl hope for a miracle for guy to go to a amnesia and forget his current relationship?
b. girl to stand back and stop this nonsense
c. girl to admit its crazy in the first place, hoping for a miracle
d. all of the above?
e. letter z.

im going to this argument cause a close friend of mine confessed this story. she fell for a close friend even though she knows he is in a relationship. she kept on setting her mind that it's just friendship but it's not. everyone around them, even me have noticed that she acts not as a friend around him, but something special.. and it started some gossips on her morality.

she's hurt and felt that she betrayed herself of being a pawn to this sure-checkmate game. i told her that yes, she somewhat betrayed herself for letting herself fall into the trap and eventually get stuck in there.. now that she found out that the guy is now engaged. (ouch)

i gave her a copy of my ipod uplifting songs and she wailed when she accidentally listened to one of the songs (i told her only get the uplifting songs folder)

mr curiosity - jason mraz. well i think it's not uplifting at all.. :D

Hey Mr. Curiosity

Is it true what they've been saying about you

Well are you killing me?

You took care of the cat already

And for those who think it's heavy

Is it the truth

Or is it only gossip?

Call it mystery or anything

Oh just as long as you call me

I sent the message on did you get it when I left it

Said well this catastrophic event

It wasn't meant to mean no harm

But to think there's nothing wrong is a problem, oh

I'm looking for love this time

Sounding hopeful but it's making me cry

(Trying not to ask why)

Cause love is a mystery

Mr. curiosity

Hey mr. please

Do come and find me

Love is blinding when your timing's never right

Oh but who am I to beg for difference

Finding love in a distant instant

But I don't mind

Oh love at least I tried, well I tried...

hours

2010-04-11T18:45:00.002+08:00

let it go
let it roll right off your shoulder
dont u know
the hardest part is over

let it in
let your clarity define you

in the end we will only remember how it feels

that feeling

2010-04-08T01:11:00.002+08:00

it's a wasted day i assume. i merely finished something. i think nothing. so please don't read. it's just a blabericiouslically nonsense.

after we met a friend outside of the building and had some last goodbyes, i felt empty. Suddenly that busy office corridor became quiet for me. My head was floating while walking back the the elevator... when will i finally move on to my plans? Unlocking the computer machine in front of me was like a dreamstate, the fact that i'm continuing my colleague's work after * left was clinging to that feeling.

tonight on my way home i heard some near-quarrel conversation of another friend while * driving the car. I knew * was offering to drop me on my place since we are on the same way home. But no matter what, it will still conclude to a rigamarole of misunderstandings is because of me. Listening to that conversation makes me want to puff and disappear. Again i got stuck to that feeling.

i dont know why i don't get the gist of what i should understand or anticipate with just few statements. am i slow in understanding reality around me? am i not good in getting true messages of kindness?

well that's all i can say. that damn feeling is a guilt.
guilt of not listening to myself on what i really want
guilt of not getting the signs that i should not ride on other people's life/affairs as i might unintentionally hurt people.

seesh. im just drunk. purple drunk.

april fooooolss week

2010-04-01T01:20:00.002+08:00

yey!!!!! next few days is my relax day :D

need to list stuff that i'm enthusiastic to do for the past..

~finish alias season 4
~watch on samurai x
~sew and fix some loose buttons
~archive my mail
~cook some pasta
~stroll with my nephew
~play rockband and beat my bro
~clean my hardrive
~organize my work files
~study
~finish devil and ms prym novel
~clean my closet
~prepare some tacos
~clean the aquarium
~complete a piano piece
~sleep
~surf

well hmm.. seems that i've listed quite a few. i might reserve some for the next holiday :(

am i missing something?

2010-03-15T21:15:00.004+08:00

i was low.. pretty low on my self-steem for the past few days or months or years...less engaged and motivated. my supervisor chatted with me a week ago and have asked.. "where were you?"

just here.

no.. the girl that we used to know.. where is she?

who?

you're not yourself lately... are u ok? how would you rate (1-10, 10 highest) that you want to punch me?

8...

.***silence****

argghh.. why did i say that? that i want to punch my boss..arghh..

after that we had some checkpoints, where i should go, what i should aim, what i should do, "promising" plans for my career.realistically.. what am i doing?? i almost have everything (partially) but still i felt like i'm not doing anything.

I'm not doing anything.

maybe yeah .. i just need to be motivated. how i wish you can just buy motivation somewhere/ whatever/whoever that is, i'll know..

then i got this autograph/slumbook note that i answered back in highschool. i smiled reading my fave colors before, crushes, movies, fave actors (who are middle aged now) and not so famous boybands now.. then there's a question that caught my attention:

what is your dream? to be a systems analyst.

those two words looked familiar.. hazily, i double clicked my mailbox properties and highlighted my job title several times.

systems analyst.

hmm.. maybe then i should be thankful, get back on my track and say hey.. u got what you want.

if i want something else..i should scribble on another autograph..

it might come true :)

seeshh.. i need a lovelife

insomniac's notes

2010-03-13T19:46:00.004+08:00

i (we) weren't able to sleep last night as we were busy chatting and singing and swimming somewhere out of the city (it's an earthstrikes outing). I thought i could snatch sleep now but 42 hours later, i'm still awake. so i thought i may just share some rigamarole.

on our way home this morning, amidst near-slumber state, tons of incoherent thoughts flocked my tiny mind. as i peered outside the car window, one image disturbed me - a big poster hanging 5 floors tall in a school building with a big picture of a 50-something man... the text says "this building is a project of mayor l**o".

darn.. who the freaking heck is mayor l**o #$@O&$#@)U#?
darn.. who the hell is he to put his big ugly michievous face in a banner claiming to be a hero of building a school #@@#$#$@%??
darn.. just don't imply that we owe that structure to him *(*&*(#$%#??

yes. it is really really such a disturbing scene.. politicians in this country.. putting (polluting) the city with banners, posters, fliers fronting their deeds, selling themselves about their trivial projects.

and who paid for those??? our taxes. our taxes that they corrupt and corrupt and corrupt... money which should have been spent on improving this country ages ago. Not on a big city councilor-mayor wall painting which is an eyesore on my daily commuting.

as we turned to the next block.. kuya exclaimed. that's a one way. Yes. we missed a sign as it is on the asphalt floor with politian posters glued on it's side. a good example eh?

The next few sights are more or less bearable to look at.

- An ex-congressman sitting next to his wife who is running for the congress seat. (ok mrs. what will u do in the government, dust some chandeliers?)

- A placard of top graduates posted outside a school with credits of politians who 'sponsored' their scholarship.. again, you will need to vandalize great wall of china to list all taxpayer's name who really paid for those.

- An actor running for vice president. yes. he hosts a gameshow. i hope he won't give out decisions by a roullette..

- A boxing champion running for vice mayor. geez, watching his fight in Las Vegas is a good campaign strategy. (i'm getting this hits/punches for you my countryment)

those are just few of 'destructing' stuff they've scattered out there which should be extinguished and were there for elections. I do hope that one day.. one of the days on my next 50 years in this earth that i would see changes for my homeland. A place that I will never say 'one that have gone to waste'

go on with the show :)

2010-02-26T22:15:00.002+08:00

i've got an bigger left cheek due to my newly extracted tooth..

my eyes are sore cause i've been doing night shifts lately

my head aches cause i'm trying to digest a training for an application that i've never seen before.

well that's how it goes.. got to go on with 'the show'

The show - lenka

I'm just a little bit
caught in the middle
Life is a maze
and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
I can't do it alone
(I've tried)
and I don't know why

Slow it down
make it stop
or else my heart is going to pop
'cuz it's too much
Yeah, it's a lot
to be something I'm not

I'm a fool
out of love
'cuz I just can't get enough

The sun is hot
in the sky
just like a giant spotlight
The people follow the sign
and synchronize in time
It's a joke
Nobody knows
they've got a ticket to that show
Yeah

I'm just a little bit
caught in the middle
Life is a maze
and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
I can't do it alone
(I've tried)
and I don't know why

I am just a little girl
lost in the moment
I'm so scared
but don't show it
I can't figure it out
it's bringing me down
I know
I've got to let it go
and just enjoy the show...

i love this vid.. check this out :)

scrappy scrappy

2010-02-18T00:06:00.003+08:00

scrappy run
scrappy sit
scrappy jump
scrappy roll

yes. indeed this is nonsense. just weighing my senses if i indeed got drunk.
hmmp.. looks like not.

anyways tonight was fun or i was just trying to escape some heavy to dos..

I don’t know what to do. I only know that it’s taken me years to understand that life was pushing me in a direction I didn’t want to go in..... v.d.t.d.

:-P

all my life

2010-02-12T00:42:00.003+08:00

I. I've been thumping my fingers as if i was to play a joyful melody on a piano.

but it wasn't.. i was just thinking over things to type and write in, over and over that my eyes felt numb and tears roll down in my cheeks... realizing im alone.

I'm tired.

I'm now always tired.

I'm tired of staring at my laptop monitor thinking that i have to finish some work.

I'm tired of straightening up my back looking at my watch past 9pm.

I'm tired of stretching my vocal chords just to sound confident

I'm tired of pretending i'm ok though i'm not

I'm tired of smiling and looking happy.

I'm tired of expectations.

I'm tired of promises.

I'm tired of waiting.

I'm tired being me.

Just being with me.

I don't want to be me.

interesting..

2010-02-08T21:59:00.002+08:00

i came home earlier to find my brother looking for a piano sheet.
looks like he would like to practice a piano piece (lovesong i assume) and brag it to his gf.. (aww).

anyways.. i've been 'trying' to master one piece also, but im still at the chorus part. I loveee this song.. it's faithful, nostalgic and hopeful.. i don't have anyone to dedicate this but to myself (my own pat in the back thing). Hopefully i'll be able to learn everything in a month or so..

from nodame cantabile ~~~~~

utsugushiki yuugure - beautiful dusk

like a breeze

2010-01-31T00:46:00.002+08:00

being away from home is like being remotely connected with yourself convincing you're just one fly away from reality. you miss your bed, the smell of the air, the noise, your family, your usual habits after waking up.. when at home.

this song convinced me that i'm here, in one piece and one heart. though my mind echoes the reality, i can still freely dream i'm back there.

from cat returns - kaze ni naru

Wasurete ita mewotojite

torimodose koino wutta

aozolanika kureteirute

onobashite moichiido

wasurena ide sugu sobani

Bokuga iru itsunohiimo

hoshizora wonagamete

iruhitori kirino yoakeemo

Taata hitotsu nokokoro

kanashimini kurenaide

kiminotame ikinantte

Haru kaze ni kaete yaru

Hino ataru sakamichi wo

Jiteushadeka kenoboru

Kimito nakushita omoide

Nosete yukuyo

Become the wind -

Close your eyes, and recapture the forgotten song of love.

It’s hidden in the blue sky. Reach out for it once again

Do not forget I am always here for you.

Dawns spent gazing alone at the starry sky.
You have but one heart, don’t let it drown in sorrow.

I will change you sighs into a springtime breeze.

Racing up sunny roads on my bicycle.

Taking with me our lost memories.

La la la la la..

swak - revolution ; beatles :)

2010-01-13T22:26:00.002+08:00

this is quite exactly what i want to express today, tomorrow and the next next day seessh.. i hate mysel'

wehehe.. thanks beatles!!

You say you want a revolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
You tell me that it's evolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
But when you talk about destruction
Don't you know that you can count me out
Don't you know it's gonna be all right all right, all right

You say you got a real solution
Well, you know
We'd all love to see the plan
You ask me for a contribution
Well, you know
We're doing what we can
But when you want money
for people with minds that hate
All I can tell is brother you have to wait
Don't you know it's gonna be
all right all right, all right Ah

You say you'll change the constitution
Well, you know
We all want to change your head
You tell me it's the institution
Well, you know
You better free you mind instead
But if you go carrying pictures of chairman Mao
You ain't going to make it with anyone anyhow
Don't you know it's gonna be
all right all right, all right all right, all right, all right all right, all right, all right ....

yey.. weekend long last

2010-01-09T01:11:00.002+08:00

this was.. i could admit as a very gruelling week i ever had..
just got from vacation and a bit jet lagged.. i was back to work again
everyday was crazy in work. dramatic. action packed. shocking. crazy and melancholic.

well i had some joyous moments when i found my fave samurai keychain (its not lost.. waha) and my banana rep jacket.

crazy nights when we have to finish so much .. (i taxied for the whole week because of leaving office late)

surprising news.. some old friends became a bit of enemies .. haay.

headache and toothache and moneyache at the same time.

lastly, missed an important date. :(

well supposed to resting for now.. might want to blog this out. it was my housemates pasttime back in atlanta.. i used to only watch it till i got them hooked into it as well..

charan.. my fave season and contestants of so you think you can dance!!!

enjoy!

ttfn!

Top 10 (Kherington Payne, Mark Kanemura, Katee Shean, William B. Wingfield, Chelsie Hightower, Gev Manoukian, Comfort Fedoke, Stephen 'Twitch' Boss, Courtney Galiano and Joshua Allen) group dance

istokwa sa singapore

2009-12-27T12:41:00.002+08:00

hey hey hey.. and should i not let an entry bug for my December post?

just a quick update.. i'm spending a holiday here in singapore.
it's the least place my supervisors would allow me to be as they were afraid that i won't be back (wehehehe.. many competitors.. fishes, fishing :D)

well so long for now.. kelangan sulitin ang trip :)

the magical car

2009-12-18T00:00:00.005+08:00

im blogging this one so i can remember it

as interesting and funny it was.. that "magical car day".

as i've written from my previous blogs, a housemate was having stomachaches (as we call it) and there was one time that it was severe and crazy and became funny.

just that afternoon while working from home, i pinged Yan who was in the office.

"i think it's a bit worse"

"how was it"

"several times in the bathroom already.. im a bit scared for him"

"ok.. i'll go home early so we can get a car"

few minutes later Nor came home and i was able to ask him to watch over Lee while i attend a church service. He's reaction to that favor was blank and with i-don't-know-what-to-do face... just then i sensed that something will happen after i get back.

it was deadsilence as i was staring at our apt number atop of the door if i was really in front of our door. Usually just a light knock on the door, it will open and i will hear the tv and the boys talking loudly from the living room. but that time was eerie quiet. (did i say im the only girl in this house?)

I went to the other apt and knew from a colleague that they rushed Lee in the hospital. Few hours later Yan came home convincing us that Lee was fine and will stay in the hospital for observation. After wrapping overnight snacks and drinks, we went to the hospital to switch places with the boys who were waiting outside the emergency room.

just then we were surprised that Lee can rest from home and he was medicated. We were quite happy and thinking of stuff that he can eat at home. Just then we realized one problem..

we can't fit in one car small .

the car that we rented is just a 4-seater car box type car. other's can hitch in while others will either walk to the taxi station or wait for us to return... then the guys thought of a crazy idea.

after squeezing 4 people in the second seat, two of the guys opened the compartment at the back of the car, in indian sit position facing front as if there was an extra seat at the back...

just imagine a mini cooper with 8 people inside.. galing no?

naman eh!

2009-11-11T22:05:00.003+08:00

URRRRGGGGHHhhhh...... just one more bad stuff.. and i will go mad !! :(

i dunno why bad things kept on happening to me this week.. maybe they're just pouring in and fate chose to play on me....

1)did not get my .5 month pay.

2)my id got locked up and i lost all access after it got unlocked

3)have a thumping headache on and off

4)always get the slowwwwwest jip on my way to work so..

5)i arrive late in the office though i left 1.5 hrs before.. there's an extra 30 on that but still late!

6)i lost all my old onshore pics.. including atlanta and mauritius

7)i lost my fave samurai keychain.. (i bought it while loitering in the airport and it was so cute)

8)i lost my fave mini perfume.. (i always have it on my bag packet)

9)best/worst of all.. i lost ALL of my songs in my ipod (imagine 7 gig of songs) ..seriously. i can't live without an earphone plugged in my ear.

please no more #10.. i've had enough.. wuhuhuhu. enough to be down for the whole week.. or month.

grave of the fireflies

2009-11-07T14:45:00.004+08:00

grave of the fireflies

Another studio ghibli movie.. but very different .. I haven't rushed up in tears for a long time now .. but then after watching this movie, i think i poured up a lot - with grief...

As i saw from rotten tomatoes, ranking it with 90%, one of the reviewers quoted - "paradoxically it is the most realistic animated film I've ever seen--in feeling " - i agree.

The story opened with Seita dying of hunger in an underground pass with nothing but a can container for candydrops. His soul then narrated and took the viewers back when he was alive with his younger sister Setsuka in Japan during world war II after losing their mother in an air raid.

It was heaven for them, at the start of staying with their aunt where shelter and food was provided. They play in the fields with the fireflies and has no clue of the future before them. But when their aunt's cruelty and selfishness transpired, it was a time for them to go.

They made a make-shift home in a cave, buying food left from their mother's bank account but since it was war, everyone was greedy for themselves --treasuring their crops and rice, not trading anything for money. Seita ended up stealing crops and kimonos from burning houses to sell them, but still with nothing. Fate continued to be cruel to them when his younger sister became malnourished and sick.. and eventually died.

Every quiet scene from the movie gave viewers the chance to feel desolation, being abandoned with nothing to hold on but your loved ones. It felt like talking to the Seita 'to hang on' but it was all emptiness - just him and his sister. There was a touching scene there it was dark in the cave and Setsuya was scared to get in. Her brother took all of the fireflies he can have and scattered them inside the mosquito net, making them lit up like stars. When he woke up the next morning, his sister were creating a grave for the deadflies, thinking why their mother has to go to a grave as well. He's sorrow poured in as he kept that fact as a secret, only to have his innocent sister discover it from their cruel aunt in a less somber way.

The last few scenes crowded me in gloominess. When Seita was already able to buy some food and fish, he was wretched and wept after seeing his sister weak and chewing something. It turned out to be a marble in her mouth and dirt soil beside her - she was offering his brother those as rice balls. As he optimistically handed her a slice of watermelon, Seita narrated - "there was a melon in her hand, but she never woke up"... that scene, so lingering and poignant, i wasn't able to notice tears streaming in my cheeks.

As the author, Akiyuki shared: "Having been the sole survivor, he felt guilty for the death of his sister. While scrounging for food, he had often fed himself first, and his sister second. Her undeniable cause of death was hunger, and it was a sad fact that would haunt Nosaka for years. It prompted him to write about the experience, in hopes of purging the demons tormenting him."

confessions of a shop-aholic :)

2009-11-02T16:21:00.002+08:00

my sister had been collecting this novel series by sophie kinsella and now i regret not being able to start reading it way before..

well the film is a good way to begin it :)

i was looking for a feel-good movie from my hard disk and found one. I ended up liking it and surprisingly was able to relate with the girl in the green scarf.

shopping is indeed a weakness of mine, though i would admit that i used to hate it. But as the writer have clearly portrayed.. the feeling when you fitted that one dress, seeing the reflection of a happy customer, giving it to the cashier then giving your 'magic' card.. then suddenly, it's all yours.. yours.. nyahahaha. Though i have to admit, i got carried away with the story, with the main character being buried in debt and me thinking if i had any....

good thing the story ended up a good one.. with her being able to sell all her luxurious branded stuff, pay back the annoying debt collector with 9 thousand, 9 hundred, 12 dollars and a quarter... all IN 5-CENT denomination.

hihihi.

tambay sa park :)

2009-10-22T02:44:00.004+08:00

i can't remember what weekend it was that but i could vividly recollect how fun it went... indeed.

it was a saturday, after having a general cleaning of the house (not to mention disaster to r. and e. airbeds), we all decided to wrap up the afternoon by going to piedmont park. Biking was our first option as summer was slipping away and it was an excellent timing (not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a warm jacket heheh). After a few hi-hos in marta and sprinting across 11th st, we were weighed down when we learned that we were late for bike rentals - it was closed. I was briefly disappointed with our initial plan, thinking that we missed the rentals by an hour :(. My silence was deafening by then and did not notice that they were following me as i walk mindlessly to the grassy field.

To mellow things, ry took some pictures of us sitting in the grass under the trees. Sitting down there with the breeze was so bracing and the wonder of the scenery was such a tonic. After a few chitchats, we jokingly started a game - tumbang preso.

With a can and slippers in hand we were like gradeschoolers running around in the middle of the field ignoring onlookers and passerbys. It was fun and the feel of the grass under our feet was like a matted playground. Though i wasn't able to hit the can (even once), bullying the it and running back to base was amusing. There i get to know who among the boys are the bullies and 'bullied'. On that afternoon a simple game took away our disgruntlements and brought out the kid in all of us, happy and contented.

dizzily

2009-10-20T18:11:00.001+08:00

classic question when you wake up:
ugh..what time is it?

classic question when you wake up with jetlag:
ugh.. what time is it? am/pm? what day?

nyah.. i thought i will not sleep during the day but i did!!

Utsukushiki yuugure

2009-10-20T03:20:00.003+08:00

i still haven't caught up with this timezone. Only a day passed and it seems like a week already. My arms are rubbery, head hangs in the air and my eyes dried and sulky. I feel like a ghost. It's like I warp into a different dimension, jumping off unprepared (i think my descriptions are quite exaggerated.. nyah!!)

Going back from the previous busy week was a hazy memory. Packing up stuff, last minute clean up, last minute convince-myself-im-going-back syndrome. Monday and tuesday were spent wrapping up some deliverables, Wednesday for goodbye photos, viewing atl downtown from the window in front of my desk. Midweek'ish was on checking what to finalize with my luggage, backing up data and cheering up with my guy peeps with a dear friend's birthday.

Friday as expected became a merry go round 24 hr craziness. My housemates woke up seeing me still packing up some stuff from the previous night. They might have seen humming birds dizzily chirping in my head as i go to and fro my luggages unfocused.. hehe. We still have some plans on going to stone mountain on that morning however my subconcious state was far far away due to unfinished packing. Thanks to my buddies, after a few going back and fro the weighing scale and duct taping all the boxes, i was able to get half of my stuff done. After a few hours in stone mountain (taking pictures despite of the brittle cold air), we gone off watching a very very scary movie (out of our plan) and finished it off with a sushi dinner! (yum). That night was still young when we headed off for some singing spree (karaoke!) and everyone was so zippy - jumping at the sofa, crowding up the floor, dancing and brisk photoshoots the entire night (or morning).

Back to our apartment, i finished my last luggages to pack and slept for a couple of hours (did not noticed that they have sent off another buddy already in the airport). Finally the time for goodbye was a few ticks away and parting from the place i lived for a quarter of my year isn't quite easy.. nor was easy as well when i bid my last goodbye to my bros and dear friends at the airport.

Well , well. bitterly said, 'lugubrious' as it could be. It's my farewell to the happy place i've been (though there were sad moments too) and to the fond memories with friends - especially housemates i, e, r and r :). i will surely miss the jokes, 'asaran', money talks, late night movies, cooking, singing and drinking sessions. Well time flies and we'll surely see each other on the other half of the world without even noticing it. On my part for now, have to get on and

adjust with my jetlag :)

goodbye atlanta, hello manila :D

The true essence of goodbye is that it gives us another chance to say hello.

sad air.. i wonder why..

2009-10-15T12:34:00.003+08:00

hay.. gosh..

move on! move on!

can't keep myself from being attached with everybody.

so hard to let go.

but hopefully i will never forget.

the fondness of every moment. :)

Silences make the real conversations between friends. Not the saying but the never needing to say is what counts

The true essence of goodbye is that it gives us another chance to say hello.

Being sad with the right people is better than being happy with the wrong ones.

Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.

I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better

People will walk in and out of your life, but real friends will leave footprints in it

When it hurts to look back and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there.

good friends pick us up when we fall down and if they cannot pick us up, they lie down and listen for a while.

shortlisted!!

2009-10-14T12:06:00.003+08:00

after the short, gloomy note about leaving town, it was replaced with something surprising!

we retired early to our rooms after watching hell's kitchen finals. i normally would sit in my bed with a laptop, plug my earphones and facebook away. then after an hour, my housemate was calling me.. which is unusual.. our room is already closed.

Well his frantic voice got my attention and was ready to bully him because of noisiness..
however, as weird as it could be, he was outside our room, holding his laptop similar to how a waiter holds a tray.
and i saw a familiar image on the screen
it's my photo entry in a competition..

he was clicking next next and showing my photo after going back from other photos..
my photo got in the top 30! and has a chance to win either of the top three prizes!

well just to buzz away, there are thousand entries for that category and mine got picked! now i know i have a photographer's potential! i knew it!! :)

for curiosity's sake.. my picture is about humanity, a person sitting at the edge of cliff, while on the opposite side is a bunch of people climbing up.

galing no! aja!

for a brighter day..

2009-10-14T11:46:00.002+08:00

time 11:54pm
sounds : Sunlight - Lea Salonga (live)

Few hours ago i was melancholic, observing each moment in the church service, singing hymns wholeheartedly as i could, keeping my tears from flowing down. It's my last Tuesday night in Atlanta - my last hug and chuckles with some brethren that i have considered as my second family, whom i was able to share some thoughts, eat pinoy foods, give advice about being away from home and being me. I was counting each last moment, from taking pictures with Bhie and Cha, last chat with Jen and baby talks with Tin, last walk in doraville station, last few glimpses of oglethorpe (where we suddenly decided to jump out for a mcdo), last chat with Cha (we love talking about animes and ko-jap-tai-novelas in the train), my last night walking alone from marta to post waiting for the walk signal to fade..

Yes they were last.. and a beginning of a new chapter. With this i should take a new step forward, treasure and remember every vital lessons learned with living independently, being away from home.

I will surely miss them and hopefully will be back and see them again.

2009-10-11T12:13:00.003+08:00

just got a way of killing away boredom or merely veering away from work.

watch online stuff!

here are some series/movies that i'm listing as faves and have filled my weekend's sometimes weeknights (till 2am)

1) Nana/Nana 2 - story about to girls having the same name but opposite characters. Fate have intertwined their stories and held them up as best friends.

2) Full house - though i've watched this before, i got caught by its simple cat and mouse antics between the protagonists. I love one of the theme songs btw.. byul - i think i.

3) Absolute boyfriend - though i haven't finished this one yet, the unique plot for this series gets people interested. This is about a girl which was given a robot as a boyfriend.

4) Nodame Cantabile - My newest favorite! Story about aspiring music conductor Chiaki and childlike piano prodigy Nodame. Every scene catches your attention specially those anime-like spanking, expressions etc. I got interested on playing piano again after watching it. :)

5) Atashinchi no Danshi - story about a poor slum girl who got married to a millionaire. After the millionaire died, she had to live with his 6 sons and complete all the consequences attached to the marriage contract.

the bag

2009-10-08T10:58:00.003+08:00

no matter where i go and shop back in the philippines, i would spend 1k max on something... and that should be a shoe, or tons of grocery stuff (tons meaning two bags.. hehe.. you know everything's expensive)

but how come.. how come this bag made me stop and think several times.. though it costs 90 dollars.

i've been to outlet for a couple of times and everytime i stop by this certain luggage shop, i would pick this backpack bag from the hanger and inspect it... convincing myself that it's not worth to buy.

However.. however.. no matter how i say to myself. I even admire it more.. It's very light at the back, the style is attractive yet simple and has anti theft feature.

The second time after we went to outlet, i went to a store nearby and bought a nice, cheaper laptop bag to convince myself that there are other bags which can match that.. but i used it only once and went back to my old laptop bag. After pondering and much focusing.. hehehe i just realized that it is big, dark colored and guy-like backpack, unlike the one that i really really really loved.

Ok.. so the third time that we went to outlet, i went to that store.. my last pitstop and last on my list.. i was almost bringing it to the cashier then i realized.

the description is travel bag.. darn.. can my laptop fit in here?

Then again. i placed it back to the display rack and got mocked by some of my bogitos.. on why i did not buy that bag if i really liked it. and why it took me an hour on that store...gosh i didnt realize that i was really thinking over about it for an hour??

Then last weekend, much to my surprise, my bogitos accompanied me to the shop (they were very supportive and made sure that it is the first store that we would stop by so i can decide if i would really buy it)

i bought it at last.. :D A buddy even brought his laptop so i can test if it would fit in the bag and it did!!

Now i love it and hopefully it would last and be really worth thinking, deciding, spending on :D

twinkle twinkle..

2009-10-06T11:31:00.003+08:00

i'm going home soon.. yey.. hehehe

im so excited

with the stuff that i bought.. loads of clothes for myself :D

to cook with calamansi

watch animes

play with my nephew

stroll with my bro

chikaness with my colleagues

play a beginner's pachelbel for my mom

and checking out some styles with my sistah :D

di ko lam if ano ung ttingnan ko

gyabo..

2009-10-02T09:37:00.002+08:00

i'm done with this series.. yey. now with the specials.. so jdrama fans... hang on.. there's a movie for this by december..

gyabo!!!

not another sad story pls

2009-09-24T13:28:00.003+08:00

a year ago i wrote a blog a sad ofw story.. yet i do not want to write another one again..

im counting off days to go home, but still there are sombre yet remarkable things coming our way.

One of my friends has been ill for the past weeks and it has been recurring into days. Vomiting on and off, not being able to eat properly and often stays at home.. which is a home away from real home. We know he's trying to be strong or ok but deep inside is homesickly and debilitated. I once asked if he's ok.. he said he is.. he said in case he gets another attack, he wants to be rushed to the hospital. this statement made me almost cry (shucks.. im so namby-pamby).

This lugubrious state was compensated with empathy from our other friends who offered their help and extended some suggestions on working on this problem. Their concern, for me, elated them from other people around us (though through mere jokes on how to do some remedies, what food can we cook for him, when can we rush him to the hospital etc).

Hopefully by tomorrow he will be ok. We can talk him to going to a specialist and get some answers from there. For now we'll stand by...

and pray :)

Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. - scott, adams

now i know why

2009-09-22T13:35:00.002+08:00

now i know why i need to write

i drafted a 3-day weekend activity with the places i've gone from and i can't remember the details.. shoot.

i think i need this to remember the good days.. or the bad
i also need to save some pictures since i easily forget how things look like
or someone..

there were instances that i would walk past someone not because i did not recognize the individual but because i cannot focus on each person's face.

seesh.. i miss out memory so quickly and im afraid that i'll lose all of it. is this the side effect of being ambidextrous?

well.. i guess that's how it will all end up to.

countdown starts now!!

2009-09-22T13:14:00.002+08:00

Gosh!!!

only 3 weeks left and i'm back to my home sweet home - phils!!

bye bye US.

so many things that i will surely miss but i'll just have them in a bunch..

anyways.. what to do.. what to do?

i have done tons of shopping
tons of downloads.. hmm
tons of eating

being back home is a serious thing again (bakasyon lang d2 pla noh)

pero at least for a change.. im fatter na.. wehheeh.. goal reached.

realization

2009-09-18T12:05:00.002+08:00

i can't believe that at 25 + .. just then i started to think of some plans in life
not just work or work and work
like a future thing.. hehe

i always thought that life would be easy..
you have a work, you can buy things, you can be happy and spend your money.

but i guess it's not

with this age some of my close friends are either married, engaged, aspired overseas jobs or might have their own businesses. At least, they did have a plan and they're getting there.

i also thought that i would just get married someday, be a good wife, stay at home, watch telenovelas in the afternoon, cook my husband's dinner and take care of the kids..

but i guess that's not how simple/complicated life is..

or i guess im just looming into this thoughts because im feeling melancholic or sentimental or sleepy..

well i guess i'll just sleep on this one.. and hopefully my plans will become a reality... someday. someday.

do you want to know a secret??

2009-09-15T09:21:00.002+08:00

oh yeah..
i have a good reason
something .. so
i feel fine ..and not be a
paperback writer .. or join
sgt. peppers lonely hearts club band.. cause i got the
ticket to ride.. and tell the
taxman to
get back then
drive my car cause he
can't buy me love .. anyways im
getting better,
eight days a week before my
birthday and party and
twist and shout so
here come's the sun and
don't let me down cause im now
lucy in the sky with diamonds!!

in short.. hehehe.. i have the BEATLES rockband!!!
woohoooooo!!
woot woot! can't wait to rock and roll!!

:D
:D